Currently Listening Who I Am By Jessica Andrews, Jessica Andrews see related

  So looking back at all my journals entries (both online and my private one) I could see a huge difference. I have changed so much through the years. I use to be the shy girl in the corner who never thought much of herself. I hated fights, and still do. My parents fought all the time when I was young, even when they weren't together there was still so much fighting in my house. So I would shut down to avoid the fight, and avoid the blame. Even as a teenager I would shut down. That was my defense. I still shut down, but not as much. Jake doesn't let me. He knows when something is bothering me, and he won't stop until I tell him. I love that, I have never had someone care about how me like that.

   I also use to trust people right off the bat. I would bet my life on close friends, now I don't. Two maybe three guys taught me a hard lesson. They taught me that no matter how well you think you know or love a friend always keep a wall up. I told them everything about me; my past, my insecurities, and my fears,  and they used that to hurt me. So now I have a wall I put up for any new person I meet. Yes, you could say that is a negative thing to have. But it protects me. It works for me, I know I will never have to life through last summer ever again. Jake helped me through that summer so much, along with my best friends. I am thankful for them, more than they will ever know.

I have become more confident. Capital Reg. was the main reason for that. I never thought I was good enough to make it into drum corp. But I was, and I made it. I didn't have the money to do it, but I'm okay with that. I never saw my self as pretty, but thanks to Jake I do. Not quite up to beautiful which Jake says I am, but I am getting there. My new job gives me confidence all the time. I would lay in bed and think about when I become a mother if I will be a good one. And this job makes me feel I will be a good mother. Heck I spend more time with the kids then half their parents. Most parents drop their kids off at 6 am and pick them up at 6 pm. I can finally say I love life, which in the past I could never say...

  Sorry if that was a dud. But it was my reflecting time....so HA!

 Scott asked me to be a youth leader in the fall at Jake's church. So in August Jake and I will be the new Youth Leaders. I am so excited!! That is all that is new hehehehe

 Friday I got to see me group, and Saturday I hung out with Ada again!   Now I wanna see John and Megan I miss them!

Ashley's Birthday party was fun, I saw a bunch of people I miss! that is all for now bye bye

   Jake and I are doing great as always.  593 days we have been together!!!  We are trying to plan something special for our 2 year, i really hope plans work because it will be so much fun if they do! hehe I love him! I wasn't able to go to Icthus with him, but he bought me a gift! I love it! I have it around my neck, and I always will. He dad said they missed me! I love his family!!! Ummmm yea life is amazing  other than missing some friends. I am staying over night at the church to supervise the kids who are doing the challenge. This should be interesting. hehehehehe

  I love this song! It is so my song! Rosemary is my Grandmother, I look more like my dad than I do my mom, and I know my mom will always be there for me. I am very clumsy and clueless but my friends and Jake still love me!!

If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
Thatll be alright
If I dont make it to the big leagues
If I never win a grammy
Im gonna be just fine
cause I know exactly who I am

I am rosemarys granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My mommas still my biggest fan
Sometimes Im clueless and Im clumsy
But Ive got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
Its all a part of me
And thats who I am

So when I make a big mistake
When I fall flat on my face
I know Ill be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowin
I will be just fine
cause nothin changes who I am

I am rosemarys granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My mommas still my biggest fan
Sometimes Im clueless and Im clumsy
But Ive got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
Its all a part of me
And thats who I am

Im a saint and Im a sinner
Im a loser, Im a winner
Im steady and unstable
Im young but I am able

I am rosemarys granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My mommas still my biggest fan
Sometimes Im clueless and Im clumsy
But Ive got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
Its all a part of me
And thats who I am

well I have updated you all know I am alive

 I hate Taylor Hicks, but I like this song. hehehehe

I've never been the one to raise my hand
That was not me, and now that's who I am
Because of you, I am standing tall
My heart is full of endless gratitude
You were the one, the one to guide me through
Now I can see and I believe
It's only just beginning

This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud?
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud?

Everybody needs to rise up
Everybody needs to be loved
To be loved


This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you, do I make you proud?
There ain't no question, just do I make you proud?
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud?
Do I make you proud?

I heart Jake....